7 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Secretly Gay & How to Catch

Sophie and Mark had been dating for two years, but something felt off. Mark's lack of physical affection and his huge interest in fashion over sports raised doubts. So, Sophie was wondering: Is my boyfriend gay?

To put an end to her questioning, Sophie chose the direct way. So, that evening, she decided to talk to him. “Mark, are you attracted to men more than women?” Mark hesitated at first, but after some seconds answered with a sigh. “I think I might be. I’ve been scared to admit it.”

Sophie felt a mix of relief and compassion. “Thank you for being honest. We’ll figure this out together.” After their conversation, they decided to take time apart for Mark to explore his identity, and for Sophie to decide if she could keep Mark as a friend instead of a boyfriend.

This short story is only one of many similar stories popping out these days in the complex world of human relationships. And if you resonate with Sophie’s story this article is for you. How to tell if your boyfriend is gay is revealed in the following lines together with some tips to help you deal with the shocking truth.

Part 1. Is my boyfriend gay? Should I trust my gaydar

Now, on to the core question: “Is my boyfriend gay?”, “is my boyfriend bisexual?”. Probably you feel something is off in your relationship. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have landed on this page. But you can’t right put your finger on it. However, it’s not wise to depend only on your gayradar. Before jumping to any assumptions and making decisions based only on your hunch or your supposedly good instinct at reading people, take a pause.

Gay or bisexual men don’t go around shouting their sexual preferences. They are like other normal people. In addition, if they haven’t crossed the line of coming out of the closet yet, they are even more cautious of their behavior, hiding meticulously this side of themselves. This is why noting some subtle traits in their manners like figuring out if they have any secret guilty pleasures is crucial to back up your gaydar and confirm whether they are straight or homosexual.

Part 2. How can I know if my boyfriend is gay

This is where this section comes into the scene. Here are some of the most common signs that imply your boyfriend may not be on so into the straight side of the story. So, if you are obsessing about the thought “I have a gut feeling that my boyfriend is gay” check out these behavioral traits:

2.1. Your sex life is not so exciting

Do you feel that he is not initiating sex and you have to always be the one to trigger intimate moments? Do you find your lovemaking a bit dull and unsatisfactory? Him emotionally detached maybe? Do you feel desired?

Maybe you have fun together and he is very loving and kind, but when you get under the sheets things go a bit weary. So, beware of that because this is the number one sign that may be implying your partner’s homosexuality or blurred sexuality whatsoever.

2.2. Your sex life has some suspicious characteristics

Another focal sign is the way he behaves in sex. Apart from a hesitant stance, he may indulge in erotic practices that are not considered very manly.

For instance, he may encourage you to engage in butt play (asking for rimming or putting your finger down there). Although this practice may appear to straight men also, it should raise your suspicions a bit. The same goes if you find in his drawer sex toys like anal plugs or dildos. If he is not using them to you, then something may be wrong…

Another thing is if he shares threesome fantasies with you. Has he asked you to bring another man into the bedroom? Has he confessed any dirty longings of him pairing with another man while you do the thing? Everyone has different fantasies to stimulate their orgasm, but man-on-man ones are indicative of homosexuality. Or bisexuality.

2.3. He shows several feminine traits

Many gay men thrive on using luxurious cosmetics as well as dressing in fashion and wearing expensive brands. However, this may be a trait of narcissism. If he is rich, this alone may not be so indicative of homosexuality.

Combined though with a wide and in-depth knowledge of fashion and brands (more than your knowledge), using high-priced accessories, having frequent visits to the beauty salon, and preferring going to a fashion gala instead of a football game, are all red flags. Ah, and if he tends to comment on other women's outfits, makeup, and handbags, take that in mind too.

2.4. He is overly friendly with other guys

How to tell if someone is gay? You can check out how he behaves when around other men. Do you see more than enough friendliness? Does he seek to touch, hug, and kiss other men often? Does he have a close friend or coworker he talks about all the time?

Another thing to consider also: do you catch him to check out other men instead of women when you are hanging out? Any lingering eyes and smiling? You get the point, don’t you?

2.5. Your boyfriend has many gay friends

Another thing to notice is his social circle. Is he surrounded by gay people? Does he often mingle with homosexual couples or bisexual acquaintances? Does he go on short trips with them? Does he know all the gay bars in the city? Has he asked you to join him for a drink there maybe?

You know how the saying goes… a man is known by the company he keeps. How to tell if your boyfriend is gay? Well, check out the people he enjoys spending time with. That will give you a clue.

2.6. He appears to be extremely homophobic

Contrary to the above 2 signs, the opposite may happen as well. He may appear as an extreme homophobic. Like feeling awkward around gay people. Or judging them and putting them down. This can happen when someone has not yet come to terms with his sexuality or he fears coming out due to an overly religious family and puritanical upbringing. In an attempt to suppress his sexual preferences, he may go to the extreme and condemn homosexuality instead of embracing it. Well, at least publicly.

2.7. His digital habits are a bit confusing

Now we get to the more obscure realm. Public life versus private life. Our digital habits are usually kept secret. That is if we have something to hide, of course.

Let’s say you bump into a dating app (or some secret messages apps that look like games) on his phone that is gay-oriented. Oops! Huge red flag. Straight men don’t tend to install such apps. Not even for fun. What about his followers and following list? Are there many gay people and people of the LGBTQ+ community? What’s more, does he engage with them? Liking their posts, messaging, commenting, etc. These should warn you.

Have you noticed him watching gay porno? Careful about this one. If he tends to engage in gay pornography to feel aroused then, well, we’ve got a problem. Things only get worse if you’ve caught him masturbating when watching this stuff. It’s one thing to come across gay porn when searching for something to spice up your sex life and another thing for him to do it alone, often and in secrecy.

2.8. Your boyfriend has a guilty history

This one speaks for itself. How to tell if your husband is gay? Well, if he has been with other men in the past, then there is a high chance that he is gay. Or at least bisexual. If he has come upfront and told you himself you can ask for more info. But if there are rumors about his past relationship, then you need to be discreet about it.

But, don’t fool yourself. Even if those encounters happened out of curiosity during his college years or as a way of exploring his sexuality, repeated relationships of that kind, shut out yes to the question “Is my husband gay”.

⭐Is my boyfriend gay? Take a quiz to find out

Now if you are still wondering “How can I know if my boyfriend is gay” here is a quick quiz to help you confirm if your gaydar is correct or not. It will only take you a few minutes, but you will get a clearer picture of your matter.

Part 3. How to know if my boyfriend is watching gay porn

Now back into the gay porn-watching stuff. As already mentioned, this habit is probably done in secrecy. Not to mention your boyfriend surely erases all the traces of browsing gay pornography. Which makes it even more difficult for you to detect his guilty digital habit. However, there are two things you can do. One is easier but has the risk of you getting caught. The other one is more sneaky but ensures you full access to all his devices and eliminates any chance of being discovered.

Option 1. Check his phone

By checking his phone you get to see any suspicious apps he has installed, incoming and outgoing calls, text messages, emails, any saved photos (gay-kinky), as well as his followers and following list on Social Media platforms.

How to check your partner's phone

• To do so though, you must choose a time when his phone is unlocked (or you have got a hold of his password) and he is not around. The best time is to use this method when he is in the shower, sleeping, or in the other room.
• You can also ask directly for his device to use for something you need, like buying a pair of shoes online and using his credit points.
• Finally, you can go blunt about it and request to see his phone to check out his activity. This is not recommended though because it would cause a severe breach of trust between you.

Pros

• You can get direct access to his phone (or other device).
• You can sign in to his accounts and check out messages, browsing history, etc.
• It’s free.
• It’s easy (under specific circumstances).

Cons

• You must know his passwords.
• You might get caught.
• You’ll do it hastily and full of anxiety, thus not having the whole picture.
• You may leave traces of your doing.
• You’ll endanger the trust you have and shake the foundations of your relationship (if you get caught).

Option 2. Use SpyPhone to monitor his phone

“I think my boyfriend is gay”. All right. You have your doubts. Do you want to see his phone activity? There is another way. A safer way but a more sneaky one. Tata! You can use a spy app, like SpyPhone. SpyPhone, like other similar software, can detect your partner’s phone activity without you getting noticed.

It allows you to check everything on his phone, from incoming calls and messages to installed apps and browsing history. You can also see whether he has multiple social media accounts. And so much more, without jeopardizing being noticed.

How to see your boyfriend's phone activity using SpyPhone

1. First, you have to log in to the SpyPhone app.
2. Then, you choose whether the device of your lover is using Android or iOS software.
3. Finally, you select the connecting method, and just like that, you begin tracking your partner’s phone activity without him having a clue.

Pros

• You get full access to all this phone activity. Full, seamless access.
• SpyPhone supports all devices.
• It’s easy to use.
• It doesn’t leave any traces behind.

Cons

• It is free to view the first data.

Part 4. what to do when you find out your partner is gay or bisexuel

My boyfriend is a gay. The truth finally came out. So now what? What are your next steps? Here are some tips to help you handle this rather awkward situation that can be devastating at the same time.

• Be respectful and understanding. Sexuality is a sensitive and very private matter. Maybe your partner is battling with guilt not having fully accepted his nature yet. Be respectful and try to understand what he may be going through.
• Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t know. Especially if he is someone who tends to pair with women to keep his “straight” persona intact.
• Accept you can’t change him. And you don’t want to. Save yourself from any fantasies that you are the one for whom he could change his sexual inclination. Even if you are in love with him, ask yourself if this is what you are seeking in a relationship.
• Refrain from gossiping about it. Don’t go out there telling everyone you know “Hi, My boyfriend is gay”. It won’t serve any purpose other than futile gossip.
• Ask for help. Either professionally or from a close friend. Share your feelings in a nurturing environment so it can help you heal from shock.

Life doesn’t end in one relationship. Keep the good memories and even explore the possibility of turning your gay boyfriend into a close buddy. Why not?

Part 5. FAQs

Q1. What is the meaning of Lgbtq+?

LGBTQ+ is an acronym that stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, or Questioning. The plus symbol (+) includes other sexual orientations, gender identities, and expressions that are not specifically covered by the initial letters. Here’s a brief overview of each term:

• Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to other women.
• Gay: A person, often a man, who is attracted to people of the same gender.
• Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both their own gender and other genders.
• Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from their birth sex.
• Queer: A term used to describe people who feel that traditional labels do not accurately describe their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• Questioning: A person who is exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity.
• +: Represents other sexual orientations, gender identities, and expressions, such as pansexual, asexual, intersex, and non-binary, among others.

Q2. How do I know if my boyfriend is asexual?

You should know, there is not only homosexuality or bisexuality you may come across with. Out there exists asexuality too! Then, you can either ask him directly yet respectfully or look for any of the signs listed below:

• He lacks sexual interest (consistently): He may show little to no interest in sexual activities, even if he is affectionate and loving in other ways. This pattern is consistent and not due to temporary factors like work overload, stress, illness, mourning, etc.
• He is more comfortable with non-sexual intimacy: He might enjoy cuddling, hugging, and kissing but seems indifferent or uncomfortable with progressing to sexual activities.
• He avoids communication about sex: He seems uninterested when topics about sex arise.

Q3. What percentage of people have straight?

Determining the exact percentage of people who identify as straight (heterosexual) can vary depending on the source and the population studied. Not to mention the honesty of the respondents. However, numerous large-scale surveys and studies provide a general estimate. Overall, these researches converge to a percentage that exceeds 85% of the population.

Q4. How to be in a relationship with a bisexual?

So, you got a yes to the question “Is my boyfriend bisexual?” Being in a relationship with a bisexual person, however, requires the same foundation as any healthy relationship: mutual respect, understanding, trust, and open communication.

However, the first thing to do after knowing about their sexual preferences is to decide if this partner is what you really need, deep down. Regardless of what he might have to offer you. If you are ok with it, then you can build a strong and loving relationship by educating yourself on the subject, addressing insecurities, and supporting your partner’s choice.

Part 6. Final thoughts

Is my boyfriend gay? Sometimes your gut feeling warns you. But, other times you need something stronger to be sure. Noting the key signs mentioned above or even going “detective” and using some obscure methods like SpyPhone can lead you more accurately to the truth. If you happen to find yourself in that position, know that you are not the first one. Sexuality is a sensitive subject and has become more blurred in today’s society.

So, after coming to terms with the blunt reality of “my boyfriend is gay” your only choice is to deal with it with respect because you can’t change another person’s sexual inclinations. It is what it is. Accept it, keep good memories, and go on with your life!