Repairing a marriage after infidelity can be an overwhelming task. Cheating can indeed be one of the most challenging hurdles a marriage can face. The heartbreak, anger, feelings of betrayal, and guilt are excruciating and it can feel like there is no coming back.
However, many couples do rebuild their marriages after cheating. It’s not easy, but with commitment, communication, and time, it’s possible to heal and even strengthen your relationship.
If your husband has cheated on you and you want to give them a second chance, here you’ll find some proven tips to help you with how to fix your marriage after cheating.
10 Tips to Fix Your Marriage After Infidelity
Finding out your husband is a cheater - or being the one exposed - isn’t the most pleasant thing in the world. It can shake you to the core and shatter your trust not only in them but generally in people too. If you are the cheater, on the other hand, you lose face and experience the shame of having hurt the ones you love.
However, many couples aren’t ready for a breakup, whether because they realize they love each other deeply or because they simply can’t take it due to emotional, financial, or children's upbringing issues. If you belong to this category and both of you wish to give it another try, here are 10 tips and strategies to help you save a marriage after cheating.
Acknowledge the Pain and Accept Responsibility for Infidelity
So, how to fix a marriage after infidelity? First things first, you have to take responsibility for the wrongdoing and acknowledge the pain. Feel it in your soul regardless of whether you are the victim or the predator.
This is the most crucial step because skipping it will not help you. In fact, it will backfire. So, be an adult and take full responsibility for your feelings and deeds.
Rebuild Trust Through Open and Honest Communication
The next step is to put in the effort to communicate openly and honestly. But to be able to do that you must first be completely honest to yourself. Otherwise, you will fail. Simple as that.
So, have a candid conversation first with yourself and then expand it to your mate. Spit it all out, but nicely. Share all your thoughts and feelings. Your complaints and relationship issues.
Infidelity doesn’t happen out of the blue. There are underlying issues behind it. Be brave enough to talk about them. This is your only chance to save your marriage after an affair.
Seek Professional Help: Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling
One thing that can assist you with that, is seeking professional help. Opting for couples therapy or marriage counseling can do wonders. Let’s face it. Dealing with such a shock in a marriage may often exceed our abilities.
A specialized therapist won’t only guide your conversations and help you dig deeper into your relationship and individual issues, but will also assist you in navigating better all the healing phases your marriage will pass.
Think also about individual therapy if you think is necessary.
Take Responsibility for Healing Your Relationship
Once again, being accountable comes into the scene. You must take full responsibility for healing your relationship. And this must be from both sides.
It takes two to tango, remember? So, be brutally honest with yourself that you really want to save your marriage and the reasons for it - no judgment here - and commit to that. This will take effort so be prepared to face all the consequences when repairing a marriage after cheating.
Rebuild Physical and Emotional Intimacy Slowly
A severe trauma can’t be healed from one day to the other. For instance, when you break your leg you have to eliminate movement, put it in a splint, and wait for over three months to be able to walk again like you used to.
Likewise, you can’t undo the breach of trust and the emotional distance instantly. So, start slow. But steady. Show you care with small gestures first. Like asking “How was your day today?” or “What would make you feel better right now?”.
You don’t have to overdo it. Instead be consistent and exhibit commitment and eagerness to connect with your mate.
Be Transparent and Consistent in Your Actions
How do you save a marriage after cheating? With complete transparency about your actions and consistency in them. Do what you said you’ll do. Every single time. This is how you’ll rebuild the lost trust.
Moreover, reveal your daily program to each other and keep nothing obscure. No more vague answers about your whereabouts, no more “white lies” about being late at work, and no more actions behind your mate’s back.
This is crucial because it will bring back to your relationship the most fundamental element that has been gone: trust.
Set Boundaries to Protect Your Relationship
Boundaries go hand in hand with responsibility. Fixing your marriage after cheating means protecting its fragile nature. And you can do that only by setting the right boundaries.
Meaning, stating your wants and needs and your red lines and requesting your mate to respect them. Meaning, avoiding bad influences - like going out for drinks with your single pals who seek flirting. Also meaning keeping at arm’s length family members or friends who delight in gossiping about your relationship and offer unsolicited advice.
You get the point. At this stage, your marriage needs a shield to keep temptations - whether they come from outside or inside - away.
Show Empathy and Compassion Towards Each Other
Remember that you are in this together. You are allies, not opponents. Show empathy and compassion towards each other. You are fighting the same battle. And you are on the same side.
So, abstain from nitpicking, retrospecting the past, and constantly bringing back the cheating. Instead, acknowledge the effort you both make to save marriage after affair and reward the good behavior between you.
Nurture each other and show empathy because after all, we are all humans who have to fight with our own demons and shortcomings. Aim for progress and not perfection.
Create New Shared Goals and Experiences
Try to revive the bond you once had through shared goals and common experiences. But this time apart from rekindling old, forgotten wishes and desires add some new to spice up things a bit and give yourselves motivation.
Maybe buying that jeep is what your family needs right now and you should go ahead with it. But that trip to Jamaica you dreamed of ten years before? Nah! You are probably not in the mood for that now.
Instead, joining a squash gym may be way better. For instance, you can practice together, have fun, and let all the steam go off in a healthy constructive way. That’s good for your physical and mental health at the same time.
Well, you get the point. The goal is to strengthen your marriage after cheating through shared experiences and targets. This will make you a team.
Be Willing to Forgive and Move Forward Together
Finally, be willing to forgive and move forward together. Let the past be behind you. Remember that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. But it doesn’t have to define you.
Also, to forgive means to let go of all the resentment nestled in your heart that is toxic and is primarily bad for your soul. And your energy. Forgive them because you owe it to yourself first. And then to them.
Forgiveness is a choice. It may take some time to get there but once you reach that point the feeling is liberating. It will also liberate your marriage and accelerate your efforts to repair it.
So, there you have it. Ten proven tips to help you fix your marriage after cheating. If you are straightforward about saving your marriage after infidelity then sticking to these steps will support you get there faster and easier.
Why Do Message Affairs Happen?
Now, let’ shed some light into the basic reason affairs happen. Specifically, message affairs that start with innocent online chatting and result in broken marriages.
So, why do you bite the bait in the first place and start exploring where could a virtual conversation lead to? Here are some thoughts:
- Boredom. Often feeling bored may trigger you to send a message to that playful colleague. She then replies and soon you find yourself caught up in sexting.
- Curiosity. Other times, curiosity may push you to discover what is happening in the digital world of dating. You might download a dating app your friends told you about, or just sign in on Facebook Dating and click on a girl’s profile. Well, you know the rest of the story…
- Easiness and Discretion. If you’ve already built a flirt outside your marriage, texting with the other woman helps you connect with her hassle-free and without jeopardizing meeting in person. Many men preserve these kinds of digital affairs because they offer an easy getaway from the mundane stuff of marriage while costing them nothing.
- Liberation. Being behind a phone’s screen allows you to be whoever you want to be. This may not necessarily mean something bad. It may just mean it provides you with the freedom to be open about your desires, secret fantasies, and confessions without risking any kind of rejection.
- Safety. Finally, it all comes down to safety. Message affairs are most of all safe. They occur behind a digital device, most of the time from the comfort of your couch or desk, while minimizing the risk of being caught, rejected, or spending money.
However, the majority of such relationships more often than not result in real-life affairs, happening beyond the digital net.
How to Prevent Future Infidelity in Your Marriage?
Ok, what’s done is done. You can change the past. But if you really want to save your marriage after cheating, you can try to change the future. And eliminating the chances of something like that happening again.
How to fix a broken marriage after cheating and prevent future infidelity? Here are some important things to do:
Establishing Open and Honest Communication
The basis of success. If you can’t do that or are reluctant about it, then forget it.
On the contrary, if you are genuinely willing to rebuild trust in your relationship after infidelity, try establishing open and honest communication.
Be straightforward about your needs and deeper desires and make sure they come across your mate. Listen also empathetically to what your mate has to say. Honest communication creates a safe space between you and strengthens emotional intimacy.
Which is what you need to fix your marriage after cheating.
Set boundaries and respect privacy.
As already mentioned above, setting clear and firm boundaries can guard your marriage and re-introduce both of you to each other.
Being upfront with what you’ll accept and won’t accept, what is negotiable and what isn’t, and how you want to be treated sets the tone for both of you to derive more satisfaction from your relationship.
But this comes with respecting privacy too. You can’t just go searching let’s say your husband’s phone, his pockets, or drawers suspiciously worrying if you’ll find something.
If both of you decide to commit to healing your marriage after infidelity you should give room to the other person to live freely without feeling they are being watched all the time.
Consider using a couple tracker to protect your relationship
Now, that’s an excellent idea! Using a couple’s tracker - for instance a spy app like SpyPhone - can ensure your peace of mind when you are apart and in the long run protect your relationship.
By using spy apps or monitoring tools, you can help both of you remain honest and transparent. These apps can provide the necessary protection to ensure that both parties fulfill their commitments and detect any possible betrayal early on.
Speaking of spy apps, SpyPhone - as already mentioned, is one of them. And until the moment this article is written is probably the best on the market. That’s why it’s recommended to track your partner's cell phone and ensure transparency in the relationship.
Once you connect to SpyPhone and subsequently to your husband’s phone you get to monitor all his phone activity including his location. Just imagine having your eyes glued on your device 24/7 - or whenever you want to - and a mirror on your phone:
- who they talk to
- what calls they receive and make - and miss
- what messages they send and receive
- what emails they exchange - including the ones they put in the trash bin
- their Social Media activity (meaning their interaction with other profiles, posts and stories, hidden accounts, followers and following lists, etc)
- the websites they visit - even in incognito mode, what apps they download, what bookmarks they keep
- where they are and most importantly if they are where they say they would be.
Can you imagine anything else you may want to know to keep things transparent between the two of you while working toward repairing your marriage after cheating? We can’t to be honest.
And the best part about SpyPhone is that it offers you all the above:
- without costs and fees (either direct or indirect)
- hassle-free and stress-free
- with 100% accuracy
- with around-the-clock coverage
- with suitability for every type of phone (either Android or iOS)
- in complete stealth mode
- from a distance (meaning without needing direct access to the target’s phone).
Spyphone runs invisibly in the background and doesn’t require constant access to your husband’s phone, making it an ideal choice for discreet tracking texts and all the rest of phone activity.
Here are the steps - only three in total - to start using SpyPhone and making the most of its features:
- Visit the SpyPhone homepage and enter your email and password on the landing page.
- Choose the type of phone you want to monitor - iOS or Android.
- Pick the connecting method you wish.
- Start to monitor your husband’s phone.
This method is probably the most effective of all not only to detect any signs of infidelity early on, but also to make sure you don’t get to experience it again later on.
Not to mention that if agreed by both of you it’s the ideal way to keep things transparent and clear between you as you work to repair a marriage after affair.
How Does Infidelity Affect Children, and How Can Parents Protect Them?
If children are a part of the equation then things become even more complicated. Because you don’t only have to mend the couple’s relationship but also see to your relationship with your kids and their emotional balance.
Infidelity can affect children in many ways that relate to things from their daily routines to their feelings and how they’ll view the world and human connections after infidelity strikes their family.
Here are some of the most important ways cheating can affect them:
- be found in the middle of a battleground
- be forced to choose sides
- have their parents' role models shuttered
- lose trust in their parents and the institution of marriage
- experience shame if infidelity becomes known to their social circle
- experience guilt - feeling it’s their fault
- having their daily routine disrupted if e.g. one of the parents moves out
- overall being hurt emotionally
So, how can you protect your children after infidelity especially if you are trying to fix your marriage after cheating?
Here are some helpful tips:
- Try to leave them out of your quarrels. Don’t accuse your spouse in front of them or try to make them choose sides. They are your children, not your friends or jury.
- Make an effort to not fight in front of them. Disputes can affect their emotional well-being and their nervous system.
- Talk to them. Explain in simple words what has happened - without coating things with personal feelings, opinions, and judgments. Children can absorb the bad aura. Explaining to them what is going on can calm them down.
- Reassure them that no matter what, both of their parents will love them and this is something eternal and not affected by the nature of the couple’s relationship.
- Try to keep their daily routine as intact as possible to not have their lives and programs disturbed.
Following these strategies will make things way easier for your kids and the whole family when saving a marriage after cheating.
How to Understand the Psychology of Infidelity and Move Forward?
As we are getting close to the end of this article, let’s dive into the “why” behind infidelity and highlight the basic reasons that lead people to cheat on their mates.
Unveiling these reasons doesn’t mean that infidelity is justified. It’s rather explained.
- Unmet Emotional or Physical Needs. People sometimes cheat because they feel emotionally disconnected or unsatisfied in their current relationship. Their unfulfilled fantasies and needs make them search elsewhere.
- Desire for Validation. Other times they seek external validation to boost their self-esteem or feel “seen” when they perceive they’re not getting this in their marriage.
- Opportunity and Lack of Boundaries. Sometimes it just happens. Due to a lack of clear boundaries and an inclination to temptations.
- Escapism from Relationship Problems. Using cheating as a means to avoid addressing relationship issues is another reason infidelity occurs. For instance, instead of dealing with communication breakdowns, you may turn to infidelity as a way to escape emotional discomfort.
- Personal Insecurities or Past Trauma. Finally, cheating may also stem from personal issues, such as low self-worth, narcissistic traits, or unresolved trauma, the cheater carries. In this case, the problem is the cheater and not the relationship itself.
The crucial part when coming across infidelity is to discover the underlying cause(s) of it and act in a way to resolve it(them).
When identifying the triggering factor you can more easily find the right solution to your problem and move forward with the appropriate strategies and tricks like SpyPhone. It always comes in handy.
FAQs: What People Ask About Dating Someone Who Cheated
Can a marriage go back to normal after cheating?
This is utopic, to be honest. However, if a marriage survives infidelity it may not go back to how it was, but it can evolve into something stronger with time, effort, and honest communication.
How do I save my marriage after my husband cheated?
First of all, you can’t do it alone. It has to be a mutual decision. If both of you seriously wish to give your marriage a second chance then focus on open communication, rebuilding trust, seeking professional help if needed, and committing to healing together.
To make your effort more effective try using SpyPhone, a couple tracker app to enhance transparency within your relationship.
How long does infidelity trauma last?
Well, that depends each time on the nature of the affair, the victim’s character (and the character of the predator), tand the status of the relationship.
Generally speaking, infidelity trauma can last months to years, depending on the couple and their commitment to the healing process.
Should you stay with someone who cheated on you more than once?
That would be up to you and only you. It happens. But if you want our opinion you better not.
Repeated cheating often signals deeper issues. In case you decide to stay make sure both of you are genuinely willing to change and rebuild trust and introduce SpyPhone to enhance transparency and detect any signs of infidelity early on next time.
How to rebuild a marriage?
Rebuilding a marriage after infidelity requires honest communication, accountability, setting boundaries, showing consistent effort, and often seeking professional counseling.
But apart from these essential steps, using a spy app like SpyPhone can do wonders when trying to fix your marriage after cheating.
Conclusion
Fixing a marriage after cheating takes time, effort, and a lot of honesty. It’s not a quick or easy process, but if you’re both committed to healing, it’s possible to come out stronger on the other side.
In this journey you can have an ally to accompany you and enhance your efforts; SpyPhone, the best couple tracker app to support an honest and transparent relationship for both of you.