Do all men cheat? The truth about men cheating

Do all men cheat? That is the question! But can this question be answered with a plain “yes” or “no”? Surely many of you would jump straight away to the “yes” option (whether you are a woman or a man it doesn’t matter). Before condemning the man’s population globally you better take a pause and read the following lines. Because the truth may lay somewhere in between and there could be a reason for it. Or, more reasons than one.

In this article, the truth about men cheating is finally revealed and broken into pieces. So, follow through and stop wondering “do all men cheat?”

More on this topic: Who cheats more men or women?

Part 1. Do all men cheat? What the data shows

No. Of course not. To claim that all men cheat only on assumptions wouldn’t be fair to them. However, there are many men out there who engage in extramarital affairs. Let’s see what the data has to show.

First of all, research has proved that cheating is reported more frequently by men. A relevant study from the University of Colorado Boulder’s Department of Psychology and Neuroscience confirms that. It’s not so that women don’t stray also, but they seem less likely to do it.

The same study, however, highlighted that men are prone to consider extramarital sex as “not always wrong” or “not wrong at all”. They don’t think they actually cheat their wives. If their wives do it though, well, that’s another story. They usually don’t have the same tolerance levels or hold the same moral compass.

Do all rich men cheat

Money is not usually the issue. Power is. Another research shows that instances of infidelity usually come from men with higher testosterone levels. It’s in the hormones one might say…

These are often the same men who engage in extreme sports, seek positions of power, or tend to take more risks in life. Which makes sense because these men attract more women and get temped more often than others.

Do all married men cheat? And at which age

According to “The Relish Relational Report” around 26% of married people confirmed adultery in their marriage. 23% of them referred to emotional infidelity, 21% to physical, and 55% to both of them.

What’s important to state is as the marriage unfolds and men age they tend to stray more. As far as America is concerned, based on a study from the Institute for Family Studies, until the age of 30, only 10% of men admitted to cheating, while the surprising percentages of 26% of men in their 70s and 24% of them in their 80s respectively confirmed adultery. Numbers don’t lie, although it may be difficult to believe.

Do all men cheat if given the opportunity

This question is more difficult to answer. In the UK however, repeated surveys have revealed that British men have loose morals when it comes to infidelity.

Despite the various studies conducted on men cheating in marriage or long-term relationships, they haven’t come up with data that answers questions like “do all men want to cheat” or “do all men want to cheat if given the opportunity”.

However, this answer comes as plain as a pikestaff one may say. It has nothing to do with infidelity. It’s simply human nature. If a person knows he won’t suffer the consequences of any wrongdoing he would probably go for it.

Part 2. Why do men cheat

Now, here is the interesting part. Maybe not all men cheat, but those who do, why do they do it? There is not a single answer to this question. In fact, there are plenty of reasons. Here are the 9 fundamental ones:

Personality traits

Men who exhibit specific personality and behavioral traits tend to engage in cheating more than others. These are:

• Narcissistic traits: Men with narcissistic personality disorder or extremely selfish men thrive on entitlement and seek external validation from extramarital affairs.
• Sex addictions: Being addicted to sex, carnal experiences, and sexual variety are more prone to cheat and go after new “highs” they can’t find in married life. 
• Commitment issues: Men who strive with commitment, despite being in a marriage, avoid cultivating intimacy with their wives and hide their insecurities behind quick fixes.

Emotional reasons

Another main category of reasons behind the excruciating question “why do men cheat” has to do with emotional reasons.

• Unmet emotional needs: Men who don’t get what they need from the relationship are more likely to stray. Feeling unloved, disrespected, criticized, controlled, and unappreciated may make a man look elsewhere to meet these core emotional needs.
• Sexual needs: The same goes for unmet sexual needs. Men have a big appetite for sex and communicate their love and lust for their mates through it. If they are not satisfied in the bedroom or are pushed out of it they will probably cheat somewhere down the road. Usually, these types of people also prefer visiting porn websites.

Situational reasons

These reasons refer to situations that may arise at some point in marriage, disrupt the equilibrium, and lead to adultery.

• Financial issues: A downturn in the man’s financial state that impacts the family budget can hurt his ego substantially and trigger his need for external validation.
• Career issues: Similar to financial misfortune, being fired, demoted, or failing a serious project can severely harm a man’s ego and self-esteem. After all, men are defined by their position in the workplace arena and the status it carries with it.
• A marriage that has lost its glory: Men don’t easily break their homes and families. They tend to stay in a bad marriage either for the sake of the family or out of mere convenience. Having an extramarital affair helps them avoid the serious decisions they should make.
• Unintentional happenings: And there are the unexpected cases too. A night out with the pals with a lot of booze and a friendly waitress. A business trip with the seductive secretary. A random meeting with an old flame. They may not be intentional. They may not even result in a relationship.

If they result in a relationship, or an affair happens whatsoever regardless of the reason, it is pretty sure that it won’t go unnoticed. And here is why.

Part 3. 7 red flags of a man cheating

Cheating doesn’t happen without a trace. Even if your spouse or significant other takes meticulous measures to hide it, the truth is that some subtle or even obvious signs will surface.

However, before you start spying on his phone, disguising yourself to follow him when he leaves home, or hiring a detective, pay close attention and see if you can detect one (or more) of the following red flags:

1. His phone or computer habits have changed. Does he prefer to speak in private often? Does he smile when receiving a text message? Does he answer vaguely “work” when you ask him who was on the phone? Does he frequently delete his phone data? Does he keep his smartphone in his pocket, take it in the bathroom with him, or place it reversed when you are around? Has he bought a new “business” device secured with a secret password?

2. Your spouse working hours have changed. Does he claim to have an excessive workload that keeps him at the office until late? Does he go regularly on business trips that include even the weekends? Does he suddenly leave the house to take care of “work emergencies”?

3. The intimacy between you has worn off. Do you have sex like you used to? Or does he tend to avoid you? Does he still plan dates and create opportunities to hang out with you or has it become difficult for you to find time to meet and cuddle?

4. Or, the opposite has happened; he seems more attentive to you. Have you started receiving presents from your husband out of the blue? Or compliments about your looks? Or a “suspicious” eagerness on his side to participate in the house errands? This behavior usually stems from his guilt or it can be a way to coax you.

5. Your husband spending habits have changed. Have you noticed some unjustifiable spending sprees? Cash withdrawals from your joint bank account? Or maybe credit card charges you can’t account for? That usually don’t come with new stuff for the house or kids or even you or himself?

6. His attention to his looks has increased. Does he seem to pay more attention to what he wears? Does he shower more often, put on his eau de toilette frequently, and invest more in his wardrobe? Has he started jogging when you could barely move him off the couch until recently?

7. Partner has a new “guilty” pleasure. Has he switched from drinking beer to savoring Dry Martinis? Does he listen to the same song on Spotify each morning? Does he use a new word in his vocabulary often? These tactics are often connected with a ritual that unfaithful men share with the other woman and which they finally bring home.

Why men cheat is one thing, but when they do it they usually can’t help but leave unintentional traces about it. Other signs you should look for relate to his personality traits, upbringing, or current financial and professional status. If he tends to lie a lot, is a thrill-chaser, has a record of cheating, or was raised in a family with a history of infidelity the odds of cheating are higher.

The same goes if he has recently lost his job, been demoted, or experienced a dramatic financial deterioration. The answer to the “why do men cheat” question, often hides in the insecurity they feel when deprived of the most pivotal things that define them: career and money.

Part 4. How to cope with a man's infidelity

It can be really excruciating to find out your partner has cheated on you. You may feel betrayed and even humiliated and it’s pretty understandable. Your trust has been broken and your feelings may range from wrath to disappointment, grief, disgust, and vice-versa.

However, what is done cannot be undone and you have to either face the situation or decide not to. Although you may have countless questions you want to ask your unfaithful partner, many women often resort to the “grin and bear it” mode usually because they are not ready to confront the situation or because breaking up is not an option due to financial or other reasons like the existence of children.

For those of you though, who want to go beyond the question “do all married men cheat?” and find solutions regarding your man and marriage. Here are some tips to help you:

• Allow yourself to grieve. Take some time to experience all the emerging feelings. It is essential to focus on yourself for a while. Confiding in a close friend can also be liberating and help you regain self-control.
• Avoid a “mea-culpa” stance. Whatever you feel, blaming yourself should not be on the list. Maybe your behavior has contributed in a way to his cheating, but don’t forget that infidelity is a choice after all, and it was not made by you.
• Abstain from impulsive reactions. Like taking your kids and disappearing from home without telling him. Or choose an eye-for-an-eye solution like succumbing to a one-night stand e.g. - which you will probably regret later. Exposing your spouse to your children or relatives is also a bad idea. This is between you and him.
• Confront your husband. Why do men cheat you wonder. Why did your man cheat? The best way is to let him tell you. Try to have a candid conversation with him. Cheating is more often than not a symptom of all the underlying issues of your marriage. Now that the truth is out, both of you have the chance to address them. Then you can decide if you can get over infidelity and make an effort to re-establish trust in your relationship and work on resolving the sour aspects of it.
• Collect evidence: If you plan to divorce him, then there may be a divorce lawsuit involved. You need to come up with sufficient evidence to prove that he cheated on you. Having evidence will help you win. If you want to collect evidence, you can secretly check your husband's phone when he is asleep to see if he has installed some chat apps that looks like a game. You can also use monitoring software to monitor your husband's phone for a long time, collect his social chat records, and check if he has cheated on WhatsApp.

• Engage in couple therapy. If you want to give your marriage a second chance, then you can visit a psychotherapist or a marriage counselor to help you heal and constructively face your problems.

To be honest, most marriages or long-term relationships don’t survive cheating. The vast majority of them end right after infidelity is exposed. One-third of them end later despite the couple having decided to stick together in the first place. As we explore the various signs he is cheating, it's important to pay attention to changes in his communication patterns.

Only a small percentage of marriages struck by cheating recover successfully by making an intentional fresh start. The future of the relationship lies exclusively in the hands of the couple. You can practice these couple trust exercises to build a relationship that is healthy for you and your partner.
 

After cheating, many couples turn to phone transparency as a way to heal. Using SpyPhone, the best couple trust building app, can help couples improve their communication.

Part 5. FAQs

Q1. Why would a woman cheat?

Emotional disconnection is the most common reason. When a woman feels closed off from her spouse or long-term partner because e.g. she is not feeling seen, validated, taken care of, and respected in the relationship, she chooses to stray. Of course, other reasons exist too like having narcissistic traits, seeking professional advancement, or exhibiting high neuroticism.

Q2. Who cheats more men or women?

Although it seems that infidelity goes both ways, men are more likely to commit adultery than women, research shows. Despite having distinct causes and motives that lead them to cheat, men undoubtedly hold the reigns in this “sport”. According to the General Social Survey for 2023, they are 7% more likely to engage in extramarital affairs than women.

Q3. How to stop overthinking after being cheated on?

As painful as it may be, thinking obsessively about being cheated on will only retard your progress in life. Some good ways to alleviate your excessive thoughts are meditation, working out, hanging out with friends and family, mingling with old acquaintances, or starting a new hobby.

Q4. Is cheating a sin?

Looking at it through the lenses of religion and spirituality, yes. It is considered as such. Because, it breaches the principles of honesty, trust, and fairness, which are fundamental to most moral systems. Not to mention that it burdens the wrongdoer’s karma.

Q5. Where do affairs happen the most?

The workplace is usually the No. 1 area to foster affairs. Spending many hours a day with a colleague or a manager creates the perfect environment for an extramarital relationship to flourish. Then there are the social media. They offer easy access to so many people (friends, acquaintances, or even strangers) and an easier way for communication that can lead to more…

Part 6. Conclusion

Finally, do all men cheat? Of course not. But many do. And they commit adultery for various reasons. Reasons that can stem from their personality traits, their unmet needs within the relationship, a sudden downturn in their status, or because plainly “it just happened”.

Do all men want to cheat though? Probably not, especially if they are healthy persons who love and respect their wives and are experiencing a fulfilling marriage. But, even then infidelity can happen. And when it does, it leaves marks. Unintentional most of the time marks, but easy for the partner to notice and enough to lead to painful revelations.

However, life goes on and there is always a silver lining in every cloud. Whether your marriage survives adultery or not, the chances to become a new, better version of yourself afterward are high. That is if you do the work, of course.